BEING DIFFRENT IS HARD BUT IT’S AMAZING

As a child, I have always been the weird one. My family finds me very weird from the way I dress to my food taste. weirdly enough I like all the things that no one likes. I am extremely sensitive to things, emotions, and expressions and have always been an outcast. as a child I was trying to adjust no matter what but as a teenager, since my EQ got high so I stopped trying to adjust cause I almost started to feel and sense people’s thoughts and emotions. And my life though I am not on the verge still I feel like I went through a whole revolution from an extroverted person to an introvert and an ambivert. What turned me from extrovert to introvert was people’s misconceptions and rude behavior and making me feel left out then as an introvert, I found myself safe and sound since no more people mattered

“It’s very addictive. It becomes a habit after you realize how peaceful and calm it is. It’s like you don’t want to deal with people anymore because they drain your energy.”

― Jim Carrey

but then I realized that I am just running away from the fact that I am who I am and not everyone is supposed to like me not everyone will have the same interest as mine. though it’s easy to read it and accept it but making your brain accept it and act in accordance and start to care no more is a bit hard. And what turned me from an introvert to an ambivert is the realization that I was never an extrovert I was just trying to fit in though I never had stories to tell I still tried to make up some and entertain people so they like me. I was trying to be someone who I wasn’t

“Stop trying to be someone you aren’t being unique is being yourself”

I thought If someone found out about my interest they are going to find me uninteresting which I might be to a lot of people, especially girls at teenage who love talking about boys and gossiping and boys’ bands, fashion whereas I found no interest in any of those things I never liked to gossip when I am in a conversation I do love to hear about you and love to tell about me I love having deep and meaning full conversations. Talking about psychological behaviors, hard times, monks, spiritual people, and spirituality. Even small sentences that are meaninglessly said in a conversation I can create a deep meaning full conversation with it. One day I told my sister a line from a drama that I liked

The truth was:

“I was scared of becoming a professional

I was afraid of getting evaluated and confronting my weaknesses.

But, I complained why people didn’t see my talent.

I just thought someone was bound to recognize my talent.

I resented them and just waited”

(Today’s Webtoon)

My sister said you see this is how you feel because you are very different from all of us she said:

“In a room filled with ten people who love talking about different random conversations, you are the only one who doesn’t want to talk about that random stuff. People are fine with each other they won’t change themself for just one person. You are the problem and you are your problem you are not there so you need to change they won’t change. Besides people will never change for anybody so either you become someone people would change for or cope with it.”

And I realized that I am just running away from my weakness by being an introvert which is not having enough knowledge and information on specific topics to talk about and I don’t wanna make any effort no more. when I realized How important is to be social and how important is crude glad-handing. Also, you know that in between everything I also realized that there lives an old soul in me which is why I don’t like talking to kids and teenagers but besides people often find me sitting with people in their 40’s because they are interesting they have stories of success and hard work and old myths and serious talks. Though I still don’t talk to every second person I still try my best to have a good conversation. this whole process made me realize that I am a weird one who was born with a huge bump of curiosity along with an old soul living in her And being weird and different is hard. people are fine around me they don’t find the reality harsh that people are this way they like to have dumb and meaningless conversations and it literally makes me feel like this is my first life on this planet and people are by the end of their seventh since they take everything so lightly.

So, my friend, you realize that if you are unique and new in this world it’s going to be hard on you I know I can never understand what you have gone through but I still know that being unique being different. Being born with unique abilities to read people’s expressions and read between the lines is going to be hard. But don’t you dare give up on yourself; understand yourself learn about yourself love yourself and learn how to control yourself but don’t ever change. God made you unique and there’s a purpose to your uniqueness. Don’t give it away just to fit in

“It’s better being a nerd than being one of a herd”

Mandy Hale

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